My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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