thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
