it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
