when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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