Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
