when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
