Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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