there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
