Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
