i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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