Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
