I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
