Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
