He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
