i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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