my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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