Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
