Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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