we're blogging at a bar
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
