12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
