Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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