When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
