I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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