I accidentally burped into my bong.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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