When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
