Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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