I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
