he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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