debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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