absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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