No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
