apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
