I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
