life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
