I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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