I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
