C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
