I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
