I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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