All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
