Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
