proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
