my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
