god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
This gyro tastes like lonliness
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
