I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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