There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
