i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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