Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
