You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
