Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
