sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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