my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
