I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think your dad took our porno
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
