the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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