one two three fourrrrnication!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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