dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
