You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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